Thankfully, we still have a few businesses that are concerned with keeping the economy going. Jeff Bezos announced a new hiring spree for seasonal workers who are “probably healthy, and definitely desperate,” to collect the bodies of other Amazon workers who fell during the line of duty.
“Employees who died due to COVID-19 can rest assured that they will be honored by the amount of money I am making,” said Jeff Bezos in a statement from his fallout bunker.
Amazon has received criticism for the lack of healthcare benefits for his employees in the past. “That changes today,” Bezos said. Along with the hiring push, he’s also announced that every Amazon employee will receive a new healthcare package: thoughts and prayers.
In addition, every Amazon worker will receive a cyanide pill they can take the moment they begin to feel any symptoms of sickness or the desire for basic human rights.
• Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times