Here at manstink.com, we’ve gone back to rock hard, angular bars of drab-colored hunks of animal fat glycerin FOR YOU because you’re such a goddamn GOOD LOOKING MASCULINE MAN, you hunk of whole milk and SHREDDED WHEAT!
Your muscles are big and need the cleaning they deserve! Don’t settle for four dollar bottles of sissy girl gel douche or whatever, punk ass! You need a 25$ rock hard brick of charcoal and propane that smells like tire fire and whiskey vomit LIKE A MAN! But not just any man. Our smellologists are working around the clock to perfect a universal dad pheromone that will intoxicate any vagina-haver into unwillingly becoming madly in love WITH YOU, STUD! This stuff is older than consent (lucky for us!) and we’re ready to force this on you!
Our potent concoction recreates her father’s musk while synthesizing with a bunch of other shit that makes chicks MAD HORNY! This soap is the easiest way to ask, “Who’s your daddy?” without saying a word! Don’t ever be mistaken for some patchy bearded brony incel again! Your intelligence is unmatched, why don’t you SMELL LIKE IT!
• Mat Georgevich, The Terminal Times