Study: Klondike Bars Contribute To 5% Of Blowjobs Worldwide

What would you do for a Klondike bar? According to dairy scientists at Columbia University, some people would do a lot! The study reveals convincing new data that shows a 25% increase in blowjob percentages when subjects were told they could have a Klondike bar after blowing, and that 5% of every blowjob on Earth is due in part to the tasty treat.

“This is remarkable,” said professor Michael Swartz, “I’m gonna have to get myself a box.” The experiment, performed on rats, noticed significant increases in rats blowing each other when one rat was told he could have a Klondike bar after blowing his furry friend.

Professor Swartz presented an interesting assignment to his grad students last winter- posing the question, “how many blowjobs could we procure if we all brought Klondike bars to class?” The experiment resulted in five blowjobs in a span of 24 hours, but it is unclear whether the results were due to Klondike bars or stereotypical college promiscuity. “It was awesome,” said student Clayton Williams, with an empty box of Klondike bars in hand.

Although Klondike bars were proven to increase blowjob percentages amongst the general population, the strategy was not as successful within the lactose intolerant community. 

  • The Terminal Times

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