Vegetables In Back Of Fridge Write Their Last Will And Testament

A tragic scene in the back of a local refrigerator – a group of vegetables pen their last will and testament. They were bought hastily only to be left in the vegetable drawer to await a slow death.

“When she ran out of hummus, I knew we were done for,” relays a bag of carrots, “We are Whole Foods but we’re not fulfilled foods.”

Many of the other vegetables share this sentiment. “We’re a super food,” says Kale, “but our main super power is being bought quickly and dying slowly.”

A barely-recognizable green pool of what was once an avocado cries out, “Trader Joe’s is where we’re from but we’ve come home to Traitor Joe’s!”

This is sadly a common occurrence – there are all too many fridges crowded with hopeless vegetables long forgotten. At another fridge, a wrinkled cucumber has made peace with his fate, “I know I’ll be composted – I just hope I come back as blueberries. No one makes a pie out of cucumbers.”

For years now fruit has been the reigning champion of the produce department. “It’s not so easy for us,” says a Granny Smith Apple, “you can’t compare fruits and vegetables. It’s like comparing apples and…oh, hmm…”

This comes on the heels of recent fruit bowl protests (“we’re not just painting models”) and an increase in bananas who’ve thrown into the freezer to be made into “banana bread” at an unspecified date.

• Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

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