Marine biologists at Florida State University gave ACT and SAT exams to a school of fifteen hundred red groupers last week, and the results were nothing short of jaws-dropping. In contrast to dolphins, who scored in the top 1 percentile on marine life intelligence tests, the groupers are dumb as shit. The school is on the verge of losing state funding if they don’t double their arithmetic scores by next semester.
At press time, the leader of the Groupers Union explained: “one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. I teach well, but they don’t learn shit.”
• The Terminal Times
