The movie starts with Quentin Tarantino talking about how Madonna likes big dicks to a table full of criminals, and the criminals all agree.
However — Mr. Pink, a man in a suit/criminal (also possibly a lizard) won’t tip the waitress.
This causes an argument about tipping, so to calm everybody down, Mr. Orange, another man in a suit, tells them all “I agree with everyone, because I am a criminal, and not a cop.”
The criminals walk down a street very slowly while wearing suits and sunglasses, one is drinking a soda because he really wants everybody to know he’s a dick.
Later, Mr. White (old man in a suit/criminal), pulls Mr. Orange into a big room. He’s bleeding badly, but not because he’s a cop.
Mr. Pink tells Mr. White that the bank heist they were supposed to do got messed up because there was a rat. Mr. Orange continues to bleed.
Eventually the personification of “Yuck, him?” shows up (Michael Madsen/Probable Real Life Criminal).
“Yuck, him?” agrees there was a rat, and while nobody is looking, cuts off a cops ear because he either really likes or really hates the song “Stuck in the Middle with You.”
The cop bleeds a bunch. But Mr. Orange doesn’t care.
Because he’s not a cop.
So Mr. Orange was a cop the whole time.
He shoots “Yuck, him?” because as a cop he thought cutting off his cop friend’s ear was a bit much.
Then some Italians show up and shoot Mr. Orange’s cop friend until he dies from being shot too much. (Overall, cop friend is having a rough day.)
The Italians argue about who the rat is, thinking it’s Mr. Orange, but it isn’t Mr. Orange because Mr. Orange is not a — nevermind.
They all talk for a really long time because Quentin Tarantino made this movie, but eventually they decide “Fuggedaboutit!” and shoot each other.
Now that mostly everybody is dead, Mr. Orange tells Mr. White (major spoiler) that he’s a cop.
Mr. White cries and holds a gun against Mr. Orange’s head to shoot him, but not before cops burst through the door to sing a song by Harry Nilsson.
I thought it was pretty cute. Definitely better than Quentin Tarantino’s other movie “Feet, Feet, and a Side of Feet.”
4 Limes out of a possible 5 Coconuts.
• Gareth O’Dalaigh, The Terminal Times