Juggalo Recounts First Summer Without The Gathering

“This virus got me fucked up, bro,” recounts a clearly high Chester Handling of Toledo, Ohio. “Like for real dog, this shit is wack. I haven’t missed a festi’ with the ‘family’ in 19 years.”

The festival Chester is referring to is the “Gathering of the Juggalos,” an event started by drug addict clowns in 2000, whose sole purpose is to cultivate a feeling of community amongst the lowliest of specimens by way of blunts, Faygo and meth. The festival smashed expectations its first few years with over 100,000 attendees, solidifying its position as the worst festival in the world- with the Yulin Lychee and Dog Meat Festival hot on its tail. 

“This shit’s about family, man! I miss my homies. I bought two hundred Xanax cause I thought I’d be dumping hella off at the Gathering. But I’m gonna keep doing me for real. Whoop Whoop!” Chester was later arrested by the Toledo PD on one count of awful music and two counts of drug possession with intent to supply.

• The Terminal Times

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