US Voted #1 Country For Virus Relocation

Once again, America has ranked #1!

On Monday, a travel blog penned by Tumblr user C0VID_19 went viral. In her review, she declared the United States to be the “best country for viruses in the world.”

“They let us into their homes, let us get to know their children and grandparents,” she wrote, “We felt like part of the family!”

COVID has been visiting the US for several months now and shows no signs of leaving anytime soon. She admitted that she was surprised by the American welcome. “After my friend Ebola got blocked from coming to this country, I thought there was no hope for me, but they’ve actually been very hospitable – I’ve been to nearly every hospital in the country!”

She was blown away by the diverse landscape. “You’ll come for the long-term care facilities and densely-populated cities, but you’ll stay for those sweet, rural towns that make you feel so at-home.” She expressed her surprise that many of the rural Americans “treated me like they’ve known me forever. They think I’m just like my cousin, Flu!”

However, she also made sure to note that the country is not without bigots. Many strains of virus are feeling the negative effects of the hateful rhetoric of Dr. Fauci and other members of the medical community. “Although not as bad as other Western countries,” she wrote, “there is a strong antivirus bias here.”

Overall, COVID recommends relocating to the United States. “They really do welcome you with open arms and let you stay as long as you like!”

C0VID_19’s experiences are even backed by research. A recent study on the US population that over 4.44 million Americans have invited viruses into their lives.

  • Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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