Mark McCloskey, a self-professed “grill-master” and part-time suburban vigilante, and Patricia McCloskey, a Carole Baskins Halloween costume come to life, have adopted the Kenosha shooter.
Kyle Rittenhouse, 17, has received a huge amount of media attention after deciding to take the law into his own clammy hands and defend citizens from the violent mobbed armed with plastic bags and picket signs. “Shouldn’t have brought a plastic bag to a gunfight,” Kyle said in a statement.
This comes after the news that the Kenosha Police Department is reportedly grooming him for their “Trigger Fingers” Police Academy Program. He was also offered a speaking spot at the Republican National Convention but he had to decline as the event ran past his bedtime.
“We are amazed by the courage of an average, heavily-armed, pubescent citizen,” Mark gushed in his statement, “we are proud to call him our son.”
Tucker Carlson praised the adoption as “America is built on strong families,” but he did decry the violence saying, “This is another failure by liberal governors. If schools were open, this wouldn’t have happened. The shooting would have at least been at a school, and then we’d get some sense of normalcy.”
- Bobbette, Terminal Times