“Sexiest Year Yet!” Says Local Masochist

As the chaos of 2020 continues to escalate, a local masochist is feeling pretty good about it.

Last week, we caught up with him to see what all of it’s about.

“This whole coronavirus thing is getting kinda… hot. I caught it on purpose. It’s like somebody’s stepping on your lungs with high heeled shoes… and I for one am loving it.”


Terminal Times: How do you feel about the infection spreading globally?

“I think it’s great, everybody is getting it: black, white, gay, straight, we’re all getting off on this together.”

Are you involved in the protests?

“I’ve been at the protests, getting gassed, hit with rubber bullets, assaulted… change has never felt so good.”

Are you wearing your mask?

“I always wear my mask. Wait… you mean my gimp mask right?”

Would you recommend getting Coronavirus?

“Absolutely. Not being able to breathe makes busting feel waaay better.”

How do you feel about the news and media lately?

“It makes me feel so bad, yet so good… It’s like PornHub, but on national television!”

• Gareth O’Dalaigh, The Terminal Times

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