Heroic: Pandemic Delivery Driver Does It For Love Of The Game

One delivery driver finds the recent national COVID-19 pandemic to be right up his adrenaline alley.

“I got a tattoo of the germ design on my wrist. Just thought it looked cool,” says Joseph Swellen, 23. “This job is even more exciting than usual now, now that my chance to die has gone through the roof.”

Swellen says that the excitement of delivering food to people is initially what attracted him to the job.

“Once I read that the Department of Labor proved that being a delivery driver is over twice as dangerous as being a pussy-ass cop, I knew this was the gig for me.”

Since the advent of the worldwide COVID-19 Coronavirus, Swellen says the job is even more invigorating. 

“I’ve always loved the challenges of delivering food. Paying for parking out of my own pocket or take a risk getting towed, worrying about getting hit by traffic running across streets, paying my own gas and car repairs, and getting $4 a delivery with no healthcare is such a fucking thrill, living on the edge like that. Now I find out that I can die just from leaving my house and breathing deeply? What a trip, man. That’s so dope.” 

“Life is such a rush,” he coughed.

• Phil Kolas, Terminal Times

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