Zack Snyder To Make Longer, Duller Director’s Cut Of 2020

Zack Snyder, director of films that require more defending than a Republican’s fragile concept of the border, is helming a new cut of 2020. After making films that feel like it takes a year to watch, he’s remaking an actual year. Director of 300, is taking on the last 365 days.

Many fans of 2019 were pretty disappointed Snyder’s vision wasn’t realized for 2020. The first cut of 2020 was criticized for having too many jokes and light-hearted moments after Joss Whedon oversaw some reshoots.

Snyder’s version will allegedly feature a stripped-down version of Loenard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” while sweaty neck-bearded men pour over QAnon forums in slow motion.

It will also include a cast of 4Chan users played by Gal Gadot and Amber Heard wearing miniskirts with Henry Cavill’s left asscheek in talks to play Joe Biden.

It’s rumored to also introduce AOC, Ilhan Omar, and other members of the Squad when Bernie Sanders – played by Jessie Eisenberg – opens an email attachment.

“It will be unlike anything you’ve ever seen before,” said Snyder, “and by that I mean, it will be very much like something you’ve seen before except it will be longer, darker and more complicated.”

– Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

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