Local Man Finishes Bucket List Way Too Early

While the idea of a “bucket list” is typically an aspirational list of things to do, see and experience throughout the course of a lifetime, Chanhassen, Minn. native Mark Clay reportedly completed his entire bucket list over the course of the past 90 days.

Clay, 28, says that a combination of age, wisdom, and an extended period of unemployment helped him find his motivation.

“Once I got fired from my staffing job, I just decided I was too old to be wasting my life sitting at a desk,” Clay explains. “I really didn’t want to wake up one day and be 80 years old, thinking about what I should have done differently. I mean, you get busy living or get busy dying. That’s what I always say.”

Some of the life-changing events that Clay has experienced over the past several months include visiting the Miller-Coors Brewery in Milwaukee, and finishing every episode of Breaking Bad only a decade after airing its final episode.

“It’s the greatest story of our generation,” Clay says, clearly not understanding his generation. “Plus I see a lot of Heisenberg in myself. We’re both badass bosses who aren’t scared to go get what we want.”

Clay’s college friend and current roommate, David Chuang, says that he believes Clay may have misunderstood the purpose of a bucket list.

“When he told me he needed to finish his bucket list, I thought he was dying or something,” says Chuang. “But I just think he was pumped about the extra $600 in unemployment during COVID and didn’t really want to find a job.” 

According to Clay, he concluded his bucket list just two weeks ago when he toured Paisley Park, Prince’s recording studio also located in Chanhassen, which offers public tours nearly every day of the week. 

“It was so powerful being in the same room as Prince’s motorcycle from Purple Rain,” Clay says. “I never saw that movie, but I love that Chappelle Show sketch where he says, ‘Game…blouses.’ I can seriously quote every joke from that show.” 

“I spent a shitload of money this summer so I really need to make some quick cash,” he explains. “Other than that, I added some new stuff to my bucket list, like seeing that new Batman movie when it comes out, and trying more flavors of White Claw. Like I said, get busy living or get busy dying.”

With all of his goals accounted for, Clay says he plans to begin driving for Uber this winter and wait to see where life takes him next.

• Patrick Strait, Terminal Times

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