More Intelligent Life Found On Venus Than In United States

Astronomists were surprised to find a cloud of phosphine gas – a chemical suggesting life – on the planet Venus, and they were even more shocked to find that this cloud had better critical thinking skills than most American citizens.

“We’re not even sure there is life on Venus,” says planetary scientist Sara Seager, “but we’ve already found more signs of intelligence in one phosphine cloud than in our entire country.”

The phosphine cloud has already demonstrated its ability to tell between satire and real news articles, it knows the proper use of “affect” and “effect,” and it never once debated about whether its planet is flat or not. 

“After a few years of social media, we’ve lowered the bar for defining intelligent life,” says NASA scientist Melissa Starr, “Many of us wonder if it’s even a helpful term anymore.”

NASA has sent thousands of probes into space. The original intention was to search for intelligent life on other planets, but the current intention is just to see if intelligent life even exists anymore. 

  • Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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