Garrett Leibowitz, 25, of Anoka has enjoyed “God-level” status amongst the incel communities on Reddit and 4Chan in recent years, thanks to his ruthless putdowns and scathing insults of females of all ages, ethnicities and occupations. That recently changed, however, thanks to Leibowitz’s mother and the Lawn Mower 3.0 hair trimmer by MANSCAPED.
Leibowitz, who also goes by the alias “UnDaMaGeD,” received the Lawn Mower 3.0 as an early holiday gift from his mother just after Thanksgiving. While initially skeptical of anything that might make him look like a “complete Chad,” Leibowitz reluctantly tried the trimmer and learned that the results were better than expected.
“I tried trimming my neck hair for the first time just to shut up Carmen,” says Leibowitz, referring to his mother, who he naturally only calls by her first name. “It actually made me feel something I didn’t expect: self-respect.”
After continuing his grooming to include his patchy chest hair and countless strays sticking out of his shoulders and upper-back, Leibowitz returned to the computer with plans of really tearing into Sarah Fuller, the Vanderbilt University student athlete who recently made history as the first woman to ever compete in a Power Five college football game. However, he realized his feelings of sexist rage, much like his newly smooth Adam’s apple and vastly upgraded grooming technology, had changed.
“I was all ready to talk about how I hoped that some dumbass jock would smash into her and take her empty bitch head off her shoulders, but once I started typing, I realized how impressive it was to see a strong woman breaking down barriers and achieving athletic success,” Leibowitz says.
Since then, Leibowitz has been applying his online energy in far more positive and respectful ways that he never knew possible before utilizing the SkinSafe technology and ergonomic design of the Lawn Mower 3.0.
“I used to just pull up YouTube videos of women giving TED Talks so that I could laugh at their dumbass ideas,” Leibowitz continues. “But once I started watching the videos instead of just writing ‘FAT’ in the comments and moving on, I realized there are a lot of really strong female minds making our world a better place.”
Leibowitz’s mother is reportedly very pleased with the change in her son’s attitude as of late and tells The Terminal Times she has purchased the Crop Care Kit, the premium groin hygiene bundle from MANSCAPED, as an upcoming Hanukkah gift for Garrett.
“Who knows? Maybe by this time next year I’ll be spending the holidays with my new soon-to-be daughter-in-law,” she says.
While Leibowitz says he is open to the idea of shaving his painfully overgrown balls, he doesn’t seem sold on his mother’s enthusiasm about his romantic prospects.
“Daughter-in-law? She said that? She probably wants me to go out with that troll girl Kirsten that she works with. On a scale of 1-10, I’d rather kill myself than talk her for five minutes. I’d still probably hook up with her though.”
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• Patrick Strait, Terminal Times