Vice President and Human-White-Crayon Mike Pence is again making headlines as he pleads with President Trump to grant him a pardon after he cast a lewd gaze at a married woman’s ankles.
“I knew if I showed my bare arms on television, the sinister sex-crazed media would start to change me,” said Pence in a public prayer of confession, “I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.”
The moment he spotted the woman’s ankles, he began to chant his mantra: “I didn’t feel a thing. Good job. I didn’t feel a thing. Good job.” But the damage was already done.
“I can only hope for Donald Trump to forgive me for the first mistake we’ve made since taking office,” said Pence in his statement, who also wanted to apologize on behalf of Donald Trump’s Access Hollywood comments saying he can grab any woman’s pet cat that he wants.
- Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times