Celebrity Gossip: Mr Bean Releases Silent Film Sex Tape

Mr. Bean superstar Rowan Atkinson was caught in a scandal recently, but it’s not as whimsical as you might think. His sex tape, entitled “Bangers, Bean, and Mash” has been leaked and we’ve got the scoop!

A canonical continuation of the acclaimed “Mr. Bean”, “Bangers, Bean, and Mash” see’s Mr. Bean learning the ropes of love making.

“Damn, that pussy is tight.”

The sex tape has everything from Mr. Bean turning an electric kettle into a high powered vibrator, to making long time Mr. Bean girlfriend Irma Gobb shout her own name “Irma Gobb! Diddle my little bean, Bean!”

“I’m finna pull out like it’s Brexit, baby.”

As a slapstick masochist and member of the BeanDSM community, Bean opened the film by slipping on a banana peel and dropping a coconut on his head, and becoming visibly aroused by it.

“Good stuff,” said a film critic for New York Times, “we haven’t seen a sex tape this silent since that mime fucked Helen Keller.”

Mr. Bean drives a Mini Cooper, but his cock is anything but mini.

• Gareth O’Dalaigh, Terminal Times

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