I’m sure you’ve seen the ads for many popular dental products that enjoy the endorsement from 9 out of 10 dentists. Well what the hell’s up with that one dentist, you might ask. A new study has revealed the reason; they secretly hate teeth.
To find out more, we tracked down one of these dentists who was willing to give us an exclusive interview under the condition we conceal his identity and not mention his own weird gummy face hole (oops).
“When I was a child I was bitten by a wild stranger. I was scarred for life, and from then on I made it my life’s mission to fight the evil and pain that teeth can inflict on others,” said the vengeful dentist.
Not only do they refuse to side with the majority of dentists recommending toothpastes that fight things like gingivitis and tooth decay, but according to our anonymous dentist, they actively engage in dental practices that are likely to cause teeth to fall out of one’s face at an alarming rate.
“I don’t know what the others do, but personally I like to prescribe my patients with a special toothpaste containing sand, and then advise them to dip their toothbrush in coca cola before brushing,” he said. “If you’ve ever seen someone with what looks like meth mouth, but they’re fat or don’t have meth face to match, that’s probably one of my patients.”
Andrew Sherman, Terminal Times